I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
