I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
