he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
