Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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