ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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