Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
