Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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