she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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