have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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