walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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