i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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