are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
They have beer where we have blood.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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