Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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