If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
