it wasn't lemon gatorade
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
