oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
