Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
well you can't waste a boner
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
