I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
