There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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