next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
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