So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I smell like Dick and happiness
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
