I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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