sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
