Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
