Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
