I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
