I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
