he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
