It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
