it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
