I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I smell stomach acid.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
