I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
