M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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