Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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