And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
