Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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