Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
