2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
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