just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
