Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
