I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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