i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
