you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
