I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I think your dad took our porno
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
