it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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