the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
