I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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