dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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