You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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