Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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